We can find good guidance for how we should do things in the theatre from some fairly unrelated sources.

The Sterile Cockpit Concept:

The FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) wants commercial airline pilots to be focused on their work during crucial flight operations. They don’t want pilots being distracted from the task at hand, so they have instituted a policy of ‘no chit-chat’, or unnecessary conversations in the cockpit from the time the plane leaves the gate until it is above 10,000 feet, and again whenever they are descending for landing approach below 10,000 feet. No chewin’ the fat about last night game or recounting the last fishing trip, not “How’s the wife and kids”, just pure business talk between the flight crew and the control tower. This results in a lot less crashes, near misses, and bent airplane parts.

So, what does this have to do with theatre? Just about everything. You want to act like a pro? Then cut-out the chatter during rehearsals and productions. All that texting (txtng), flirting, and general bafoonery that goes on in the shop or backstage is a hindrance to everyone mounting a show. It makes hearing cues difficult, it makes hearing snagged costumes tearing difficult, and it generally shows a real lack of interest in your chosen trade. Save it for the after-party or your lunch break. No one will think less of you, and they just might show a little more respect for your dedication to the art. With your mind on the show, you might just save a life or two, too, should you see that accident that’s about to happen and fend it off with an alert intervention.

NEW RULE: No chit-chat, phone calls, texting, or goofing around when you are below 10,000 feet in the theatre (there, that should cover most of them).

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The Buddy System:

When you are underwater, your life is running on canned air and presence of mind. SCUBA diving is a fun sport, and it has an amazingly good safety record for a self-regulated industry. That’s right: self regulated. No OSHA, No Building Codes, No Fire Marshals. Due to great training and an industry that understands that if the bodies start piling-up (floating?), then the government and possibly other well-intentioned but misguided meddlers will come in and kill the sport through overburdening regulations. Divers make a conscious choice to be safe in everything they do.

One of the key tenants of diving is that you never go diving alone. This is because if something goes wrong, you will need someone else there to save your sorry ass. Been there. Done that. Still here to talk about it. This plan works.

A theatre plant is one of the most hazardous places you can be, particularly if you are alone. Emergency lights that may not actually work; drop-offs from catwalks, ledges, and railings; electrical hazards; chemical hazards; stuff hanging-down, sticking-up, and/or poking-out that can whack your head, trip you, and impale you. If you walk into a dark theatre and have to fumble for the lights just to see where you are going, then it can be even more treacherous. You know that TV show “1000 Ways to Die”? Well, they could probably do a whole season on accidents in the theatre.

If you go into the theatre alone, any number of things could happen to you, and if you are laying on the floor out-cold from a electric shock or head trauma, or can’t get your breath because you fell on some sharp object with your chest or back taking the bulk of the impact, then you may not be able to call 911 on your cell phone. Your cell phone may be twenty feet way scattered in parts across the floor, too. Ever decide to get adventurous and climb out off of the catwalk to get that “thing” you can’t quite reach (sure you have . . .) . . . will someone find you lying between the seats below after the sheet-rock gives-away? If this happens after everyone leaves for the weekend, then it may be hours, or even days later before some says “Hey, have you seen Doofus lately?”

NEW RULE: No one in the shop or theatre by themselves. Always take along a buddy. (Heck, you’ll need ‘em to carry the blah-blah or hold the door for you anyway).

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Simple Rules to Live By.

What’s your rule?